My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
