just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
