ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
