That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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