she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's shark week go big or go home
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
