Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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