dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
