my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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