ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
