I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
