so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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