I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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