You made me cry and you don't even care
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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