there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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