my phone needs a breathalizer
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
