like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
