'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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