Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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