He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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