3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
