My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
