I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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