Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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