Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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