You're my little dorito
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
