oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
smell my finger.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
