the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
they're like a gay fantastic four
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
