i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
