i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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