I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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