my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
