After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
