My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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