Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
