I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
