So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
