i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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