really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
