Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dignity is for republicans.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
