I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
