Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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