Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
