Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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