If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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