those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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