I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dick very happy bro
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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