you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
