I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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