it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize