A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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