I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
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hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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