I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
