Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
