Where is the hickey?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
