member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
