Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
