community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
