Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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