Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
