I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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