Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize