Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
