Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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