don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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