i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
