Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
