Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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