i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
In America we eat man semen.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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