Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You have to summon your inner elephant
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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