the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
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I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
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I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All I want is dick and wine.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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