He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
