my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
