I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
