i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
