She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
