too bad you live with your parents still
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
