what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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