Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
