I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
