So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's the barista slut.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
