I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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