fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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