I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
