She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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