Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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