Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
