you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
