WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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