I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
