I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I looked at my own cervix.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
