After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
