I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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