i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
